Integrated Counseling

The nights are getting colder and longer as we welcome November and slip past daylight savings time. Several weeks remain until the winter solstice but cuffing season has begun – the time of year when people might temporarily couple up to endure the cold, dark winter together.

All animals make seasonal changes to ensure survival through the winter, including hibernation, migration, mating and adaptations. Why would humans be any different? The late fall and winter months bring less sunlight, colder temperatures, and it is the time of year for infections as well as mood struggles. To be alone on top of these challenges and the various holidays may be too much to bear for some.

We are highly social creatures. Our bodies release good-feeling hormones like oxytocin when we are physically intimate and close with other people. It feels good, biologically, to have someone to cuddle with during cuffing season. Having even a temporary partner offers support in times when you catch that nasty winter cold and have someone to bring you soup. You’ve got someone to drag along to (or enjoy!) all the holiday parties at the office and at home. It makes a lot of sense why we seek out closeness and intimacy, even for short periods of time.

What happens when spring rolls around? Cuffing season pretty much ends by March. Folks are feeling more hopeful and energized, ready for hot girl summer. These temporary relationships may end, or they may continue on. Our human need for intimacy never ends, though. Here are some questions you may ask yourself before, during or after your cuffing season experience:

• What parts of me were interested in finding a temporary partner for cuffing season? What were they wanting/needing? How did they imagine those needs would be met?
• Why was I drawn to whoever I ended up choosing? What parts of them was I attracted to?
• What about short-term dating worked well for me?
• What didn’t work well for me?
• How do I see intimate relationships fitting into my life long term? What are my needs with intimacy and relationships?
• What did I learn this cuffing season that I’ll take with me into the next one?

Many cultures have judgments about short-term or casual intimate relationships. Notice if you feel judgmental towards yours or others’ choices to participate in cuffing season (or not), and get curious with your judgment. Where does it come from? Do you agree? As implied by the questions above, these types of relationships don’t work for everyone. If you are ever feeling pressured to be in a relationship, either by someone else or from within yourself, that’s a great time to take a step back and get curious.

Therapists reading this: has a client shared their intention to find a cuffing season partner with you? How did you react? What parts of you were triggered inside?

Parents of adolescents and preteens: talk with your kids about cuffing season. Have they heard of it? What do they think about it? Are they interested in dating or sex? Express as much compassionate curiosity as possible with your children when discussing these topics. Of course you may decide to attempt to dissuade your child from having casual intimacy, but you also may benefit from getting curious before judging their desire to do so.

As always, it’s good to practice safe sex. Communicate with your partners and regularly get tested for STDs/STIs. Ask your doctor about testing and make plans to have it done yearly or more frequently (depending on how active you are). You can also get tested at community health clinics like Planned Parenthood. Communication with all of your partners means that everyone stays informed. Informed consent is a crucial part of healthy sexual behavior.

Meredith Rose is a sex therapist in St. Louis, Missouri. She works with adolescents, adults and couples in therapy. Meredith founded Integrated Counseling in 2023 with the goal of providing accessible trauma-informed therapy for women, sexual and gender minorities, and diverse clients of all backgrounds. With the right support we can all live authentic, integrated and healthy lives that we choose for ourselves and our communities.

If you are in Missouri and would like to consult or work with Meredith, please reach out using the button below!

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